The "Don't Call Us" Doctrine
If you want a perfect metaphor for the current state of the American empire, you don’t need to look at the smoking craters in Tehran or the shell-shocked streets of Beirut. You just need to dial 1-202-501-4444.
That’s the number the State Department is giving to terrifyingly stranded Americans in the Middle East right now. And if you’re lucky enough to get through, you are greeted with a message that should be carved onto the tombstone of this administration: “Please do not rely on the U.S. government.”
It is the most honest thing they have said all week.
While the President plays General Patton on television, fantasizing about "someone from within" taking over Iran—a delusion so stale it has Ahmed Chalabi’s expiration date on it—the reality on the ground is a masterclass in chaotic incompetence. We are four days into a war that Pete Hegseth assured us "is not Iraq," yet we already have six flag-draped coffins coming home from Kuwait. We have 787 dead Iranians, including a school full of children in Minab who were "liberated" from their lives by a missile we apparently didn't know we fired.
"Surgical," they call it. If this is surgery, the doctor is using a chainsaw and a blindfold.
But let’s not pretend the rot is confined to foreign policy. While the world burns, the domestic arsonists are busy pouring gasoline on our own institutions. In Washington, Education Secretary Linda McMahon is currently being sued for treating the Department of Education like a private shredding company, hiding records on discrimination while her Office for Civil Rights is gutted. They are turning the lights off in the building so no one can see them stripping the copper wiring.
Meanwhile, up in Minnesota, federal immigration officers are running so wild that the state government is launching a criminal investigation into them. Think about that. We have federal agents acting with such impunity that a state has to treat them like a rogue militia. This isn't "law and order." It’s state-sponsored gangsterism.
And for the average American watching this split-screen nightmare? You get to pay for the privilege. The Dow just shed 500 points because Wall Street knows what the White House won't admit: you can't bomb the world's energy supply and expect gas prices to stay under three bucks.
We are being led by people who think they can govern by cable news chyron. They believe if they just say "dominance" loud enough, physics and economics will bow down. But the market isn't listening. The grieving families in Kuwait aren't listening. And the American citizens stranded in a war zone, listening to a recorded message telling them they are on their own, certainly aren't buying it.
"Don't rely on the U.S. government." Finally, a campaign slogan we can all agree on.
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