The "Don't Call Us" Doctrine
If you want a perfect metaphor for the current state of the American empire, you don’t need to look at the smoking craters in Tehran or the shell-shocked streets of Beirut. You just need to dial 1-202-501-4444. That’s the number the State Department is giving to terrifyingly stranded Americans in the Middle East right now. And if you’re lucky enough to get through, you are greeted with a message that should be carved onto the tombstone of this administration: “Please do not rely on the U.S. government.” It is the most honest thing they have said all week. While the President plays General Patton on television, fantasizing about "someone from within" taking over Iran—a delusion so stale it has Ahmed Chalabi’s expiration date on it—the reality on the ground is a masterclass in chaotic incompetence. We are four days into a war that Pete Hegseth assured us "is not Iraq," yet we already have six flag-draped coffins coming home from Kuwait. We have 787 dead Iranian...